Forgiving the Ungrateful

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.  (Luke 6:35)

Let’s be honest with ourselves. When we give gifts or help someone out, even though we say we don’t need to be thanked, we really do want to be appreciated. Just a little appreciative acknowledgement makes us feel good. We do these kindnesses fully intending to forget about ever hearing from the receiver, but human nature kicks in and suddenly we find ourselves wondering why we were never thanked.

This can cause us to become frustrated and even angry at the recipient. It is illogical for us to see them as ungrateful since we fully intended not to receive gratitude. However, this emotion is completely human.

The recipient, on the other hand, may have several reasons for not expressing gratitude to us. They may be embarrassed, uncomfortable, shy, or just really busy. They may intend to thank us but don’t get around to it or they may believe that they did thank us.

It is a tricky situation. We believed in our hearts that we didn’t need their acknowledgement so if we ask them about it, we will show that we really were not unselfish in our giving. Not knowing if a gift is received is frustrating but knowing and not being thanked can be frustrating too.

Then Jesus answered, “Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?” And he said to him, “Rise and go your way; your faith has made you well.” (Luke 17:17-19)

Even Jesus expected those He helped to be grateful. He also expects us to be grateful and to realize just how much we owe Him for His death on the cross in our place and His forgiveness of our sins.

The problem for us is not that we want a little gratitude, although it would be better if we could be completely unselfish. The problem is when not receiving positive acknowledgement for what we have done leads us to disappointment, frustration or even anger.

We are taught to forgive those who do us wrong. Does that include the ungrateful? They didn’t do us wrong since our kindness was done without expectation, but we still need to forgive them if we are holding animosity for their lack of recognition. 

Forgiveness is not in our power. It comes from God. He will soften our hearts and help us forgive all kinds of things that we think have caused us hurt. He will help us forgive ourselves when we know we are being self-centered and He will forgive us for focusing on ourselves when we should be focusing on others. Forgiveness is central to a close relationship with God.

It is time to work on ourselves and stop worrying about others.

Forgiving those we perceive to be ungrateful is a new subject for some of us. We may feel that our unhappiness with the ungrateful is righteous. After all, we did something good and got nothing in return. But we need to ask ourselves wasn’t that the point in the first place?

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, (2 Timothy 3:1-2)

The general ungrateful attitude in the world today is only going to get worse. If people for which we do good are ungrateful to us, how much more ungrateful will they be for the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ? This is a serious problem.

Humankind is very self-focused and out for their own interests. This was prophesied and is obvious everyday and everywhere. Christians must not emulate the world. We can’t become so focused on being thanked for what we do that we stop doing the good that God has asked of us. We must remember that our rewards all come from God.

For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. (Romans 1:21)

The Lord’s prayer asks that God forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. In addition to forgiving those who have wronged us, we can pray that God will forgive us for being ungrateful to Him, as we forgive those who seem ungrateful to us. This may not seem like a big deal, but God is love and His forgiveness of our sins is what salvation is all about. We must love and forgive all perceived wrongs, not matter how we feel or what we have done.

Prayer: Lord, we want to do good. We want to serve others and we want to do good things unselfishly without the necessity of being thanked. Help us to be unselfish in our giving. And when anything hurts us, like not being acknowledged for a kindness, help us to be happy that we were able to serve and to know that our rewards come only from you. Amen.