Do People Change?

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

People can be changed by God, but some will choose not to believe and some who believe will choose not to continue in God’s grace. The question is not really ‘can people change?’ but ‘How can we help?’ and ‘How much should we help?’

When someone asks Christ (God) into their hearts and to forgive their sins, He changes them.  They receive Christ’s love with joy and feel that a burden has been lifted. They want to start living differently, attending church, change the way they speak and act, and where they hang out.

But not all who become our brothers and sisters will continue to walk in God’s grace. Some may return to their old ways and habits. The thorny struggles of life invaded them, and it becomes easier to return to old ways because their soil is not deep enough to continue to grow in God.

 And he told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away.  seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. ⁸ Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears, let him hear.” (Matthew 13:3-9)

“Hear then the parable of the sower:  When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.  As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, another sixty, and in another thirty.” (Matthew 3: 18-23)

Can God change people? Yes. Do they sometimes change back? Yes. Can we change people? No. Each of us must choose for ourselves how we will live. God gave us free will. We must each take the steps needed as God leads us, not depending on others but on Him. Along the way, we may need a hand from others and we are told to bear one another’s burdens, but ultimately our choices and actions belong to us alone.

God created us to be His children. Sin changed us. Salvation brings us back to God. Therefore, when the Spirit of God enters our hearts and changes it back to its original form and purpose, the way we were made by God in the first place can start to emerge. This can take time because we fight against our mortal bodies, but we have a Helper, the Holy Spirit, that we can call on to help us overcome what sin has caused so that we return to the person God made us to be.

Our personalities and upbringing play a large role in our behavior and the way we react to stress and discomfort in this sinful world. When we accept that God is real and ask Him into our hearts, we are made new. Changing our instincts, addictions, and habits is easier said than done and requires God living in us. We often forget that He gave us the Holy Spirit to help us and to give us self-control.

 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. (John 14:15-17)

So, we know that God can change people, but they/we cannot change without a firm commitment to Him and by allowing Him to give us a new heart and guide our lives. Living a Godly life takes hearing and understanding God’s word daily so that we become the good soil that is needed. It takes allowing God to speak to our hearts, telling Him everything and letting Him be the center of our lives.

If our hearts have been changed, what does God require of us in dealing with those who say they also want to change, tries to change, pretends to change, etc.? How much does God want us to help in this situation? We know that we all sin and that none of us are perfect and yet, it is difficult to know how to help someone who continually returns to sin. It is irritating especially if we feel that they are taking advantage of others and not making the choices they need to make.

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, …(Romans 2:1)

The amount of time and effort we put into helping someone who is struggling is different for every situation. Only God can tell us when it is time to stop and let them hit bottom so that they will rely totally on Him.

Judging is not the way since we all sin and fall short of His Glory. Praying for a person is important and God will move when we pray. But providing help and assistance time and again or rescuing them from their circumstances repeatedly can be detrimental. We want them to call out to God but if we are always picking them up, they will never have the need to do so.

How many times we choose to try to help is not easy, but after prayer and after forgiving the one who continues to make wrong choices, we can forgive ourselves for stepping away from the situation. This is the a most difficult action to take, especially for a family member. Remember, though, that God has not stepped away. He will always be there for them when they call. Our prayers are working. Sometimes it is better for us and for them to avoid people who say they believe in God, but don’t live a Godly life.

But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (1 Corinthians 5:11)

Helping someone who has repeated the same sin or has fallen back into the same addiction time after time is stressful. It can be emotionally painful for us to watch as they continue to lie, be angry, bitter, manipulative, controlling, or disagreeable, making excused for their behavior. We start to resent them, which makes us feel guilty. We begin to believe that they will never change even after coming to God, which makes us feel as though we have let them or God down. But God does not judge us if we forgive them, love them and continue to pray for them as we move out of their lives. It may be temporary or it may be permanent. 

We must always believe that a person can change because it is Almighty God who changes them. We do not, however, need to be the ones who continually try to help them change. If we have given it our best without success or if it becomes detrimental to our walk with the Lord and our well-being it is time to stop.

Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. (2 Thessalonians 3:6)

Only God understands our hearts. He created them, and He wants to make them new. For ourselves, we must guard against the evil one who tries to turn our hearts back to stone. For others, pray and seek God’s wisdom and don’t allow the devil to fill you with guilt if you can’t or shouldn’t continue to help. God will continue His work. 

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

Prayer: Lord, this is such a difficult subject to think about. Knowing and loving You makes us want to help those who are continuing to sin, but there comes a time when we must stop. Help us to know when that time comes. Forgive us is we are stopping out of selfishness or fear. Teach us what is right and when and how we should help. Help us to discern the truth of what is being told to us. Help us show your love even as we remove ourselves from these situations. Thank You for continuing to work on the hearts of those who are struggling. And please continue Your work in our hearts as well. Let Your Kingdom come into our lives daily. Amen.

My book Fresh Fruit Meditations on the Fruit of the Holy Spirit can be ordered from Amazon or Goodreads.com.  Also available at Chritian Bookstores or on Kindle.  Thank you. Jennifer Chamberlain